Raising the Unbreakable

The air is thick enough to chew on today, the kind of heavy heat that makes everyone in the neighbourhood a little more prone to snapping. I hear the kid next door absolutely losing it because their parent wants them to wear a hat. Most people look at that and see a "difficult" child, a problem to be solved with more discipline or a firmer hand. They see a brat. I see a person who hasn't yet learned to let the world dictate their boundaries, and honestly, that’s the most valuable thing they’ve got.

We spend decades trying to beat the "no" out of children, then wonder why adults are so easily steamrolled by bad bosses and worse policies. If you’ve got a kid who digs their heels into the dirt until they’re blue in the face, you aren't raising a nuisance; you’re raising someone with an internal locus of control that hasn't been crushed by the machine. In psychology, an internal locus of control is the belief that you, not outside forces, are responsible for what happens to you. Most people have that beaten out of them by the time they hit high school. They start believing life just "happens" to them. But the "stubborn" kid? They know they have a say.

Channeling that fire is the real work. It isn't about breaking their spirit so they fit into a tidy little box at a desk. It’s about teaching them that their determination is a tool for the collective good. When we talk about leadership in our 50s, we usually mean people who can withstand the pressure to sell out. We need people who are "difficult" when it comes to compromising their values. If that toddler grows up being told their "no" is a defect, they’ll never have the spine to stand up for the community when it counts.

I’ve seen too many good people lose their edge because they were taught that being "easy" was the highest virtue. It’s a lie sold to make us more manageable. Determination isn't a personality flaw. It’s the raw material for someone who can actually run a mutual aid fund or stare down a developer trying to pave over the local park. We should be protecting that grit, not trying to sand it down.

Teaching a child to redirect that stubbornness toward a goal—like building something or solving a problem for the street—creates a sense of agency. Self-Determination Theory suggests that we need autonomy to feel fulfilled. That kid screaming about their hat is just fighting for autonomy in a world that offers very little of it. Instead of seeing it as a battle to win, see it as a rehearsal for a life where they won't let anyone tell them what they're worth.

The heat isn't going anywhere, and neither is that kid's drive. Let them be a bit of a nightmare now so they can be the one who refuses to back down later. We have enough "easy" people. We need more people who are right and refuse to move.

Daily Motivation, Inspiration and Personal Growth

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