How To Win Friends and Actually Influence People

We’ve all heard the phrase 'it’s not what you know, it’s who you know.' But I’d take it a step further: it’s how those people *feel* about you. You can have the most impressive resume in the world, but if you’re a nightmare to work with, no one is going to help you get to the next level. On the flip side, if you’re known as the person who is always kind, helpful, and supportive, people will literally go out of their way to see you succeed. Kindness is the secret sauce of networking.

Think about the best boss or mentor you’ve ever had. I bet they were someone who actually took the time to listen to you. They probably offered help when you were struggling and celebrated your wins as if they were their own. That’s kindness in action. It creates a sense of loyalty that you just can’t buy. When you treat people with respect and genuine care, you’re building a foundation of goodwill that will serve you for years to come. It’s the ultimate long-term investment.

In psychology, we call this the 'reciprocity principle.' When you do something kind for someone, they naturally feel a desire to do something kind for you in return. But the trick is to do it without expecting anything back. That’s where the magic happens. When you’re authentically kind just because you want to be, people can sense that. They trust you more. They want to collaborate with you. They want to be in your orbit. You’re building a personal brand that is based on character, not just optics.

Start today by looking for one way to add value to someone else's life. Introduce two friends who could help each other. Share a resource that helped you. Send a note of appreciation to someone who inspired you. These small acts of kindness are the threads that weave together a successful and fulfilling life. You don't have to be ruthless to get to the top. You just have to be real. And being real means being kind.