The Quiet Ache of the Friendship Shift

It started with a text that stayed on 'read' for three days. Then it was the missed calls that never got returned, followed by the soft realization that you weren't on the 'Close Friends' list anymore. Friendship breakups in your early twenties hit different. They don’t usually come with a big blowout or a dramatic fight. Usually, it’s just a slow fade, a vibe check that suddenly doesn't pass, or the realization that you’ve outgrown a version of yourself that they still expect you to be. It’s a quiet grief, but it’s heavy.

We talk so much about romantic heartbreak, but we don't have a script for when a platonic soulmate becomes a stranger. You see them posting with a new crew and it stings. You want to be happy for them, but there’s this lowkey hollow feeling in your chest. You wonder if you did something wrong or if you're just hard to love. Let me stop you right there. People are like seasons; some are meant to stay forever, and others are just there to teach you how to bloom. It doesn't mean the bond wasn't real; it just means it's finished.

Self-compassion is huge here. Instead of spiraling into 'what ifs,' try to honor what that friendship gave you. Maybe they were the person who helped you find your voice, or the one who sat with you through your first real heartbreak. You can be grateful for the memories while acknowledging that the current version of them no longer has a seat at your table. It’s okay to miss them and still know that reaching out wouldn't fix the distance. Grief is just love with nowhere to go, and it’s okay to let it sit there for a while.

Focus on the people who show up without you having to perform. There’s a specific kind of peace in being seen for exactly who you are today, not who you were three years ago. If you’re feeling lonely, remember that your tribe is still out there. Sometimes you have to clear the old brush to make room for new growth. Be kind to yourself while the garden is empty. You’re doing the hard work of evolving, and that’s something to be proud of.