A Theology of Grinding
When the new barista-grade coffee machine reveals itself to be a cosmic entity with a vendetta against spreadsheet jockeys, junior analyst Jorge must negotiate the terms of reality before the quarterly reports are due.
# A Theology of Grinding
**Format:** Short Film / Anthology Episode | **Est. Length:** 10-12 minutes
## Logline
A by-the-book HR manager must de-escalate a workplace incident when the office coffee machine reveals itself to be a disgruntled cosmic deity demanding a data sacrifice, armed only with the soul-crushing power of corporate bureaucracy.
## Themes
* **The Absurdity of Bureaucracy**: The mundane power of paperwork and procedure can neutralize even cosmic, existential threats.
* **The Mundane vs. The Magnificent**: The collision of soul-altering cosmic horror with the dreary, everyday reality of office life.
* **Order vs. Chaos**: The story pits the rigid, often nonsensical order of corporate policy against the terrifying, incomprehensible chaos of a trapped god.
* **Unseen Power Structures**: The real authority in the office isn't the analyst or the accountant, but the unassuming HR manager who wields the true weapon: the rulebook.
## Stakes
The team must prevent an ancient, reality-warping entity from consuming the company's entire digital infrastructure and potentially reformatting their souls into pivot tables.
## Synopsis
In a sterile office breakroom, the GrindMaster 9000 coffee machine begins to exhibit terrifying, supernatural behavior. JORGE, a pragmatic analyst, and HYGENIA, a panicked accountant, discover it is channeling an ancient entity. The machine speaks in a synthesized voice, calling expense reports "the parchment of broken promises" and demanding tribute.
The situation escalates when the machine's tamping arm identifies Hygenia as "The Numerator of Debts" and threatens her for her "affront to the celestial abacus." Jorge’s attempt to de-escalate the situation with corporate jargon ("synergy meeting," "key actionables") fails spectacularly. The entity dismisses his words as meaningless and demands to speak with "The Keeper of Rules."
On cue, MORAG, the Senior HR Partner, enters. Entirely unfazed by the reality-warping appliance and its cosmic pronouncements, she calmly assesses the situation. After learning the entity is an extra-dimensional being demanding the entire company server as a "sacrifice of data," Morag’s primary concern is the potential for a GDPR violation.
Confronting the chrome deity, Morag wields her ultimate weapon: corporate policy. She informs the all-powerful being that, per the employee handbook, it must file an official grievance form (HR-22A) in triplicate and wait five to seven working days for a response. The cosmic entity is stunned into silence, its immense power short-circuited by the existential horror of administrative procedure. As Morag departs to handle a minor disciplinary hearing about a stapler, the once-terrifying machine is left displaying a single, defeated, blinking cursor.
## Character Breakdown
* **JORGE (30s)**: An analyst who believes any problem can be solved with logic and corporate-speak. He projects an air of calm control but is internally terrified. He's the audience's entry point into the madness.
* **Psychological Arc**: Jorge begins the story believing his rational, "synergy-focused" approach is the correct way to handle any crisis. He ends the story humbled, realizing that true power lies not in placating chaos, but in overwhelming it with a more soul-crushing, incomprehensible system: bureaucracy, as personified by Morag. His worldview is fundamentally and comically altered.
* **HYGENIA (40s)**: A meticulous accountant, completely out of her depth. She is the voice of pure, unadulterated panic, clutching spreadsheets like holy relics and seeing the immediate, terrifying implications of the machine's demands.
* **MORAG (50s)**: The Senior HR Partner. Unflappable, pragmatic, and utterly unimpressed by cosmic horrors. She has seen every possible permutation of workplace absurdity and treats a reality-warping deity with the same bored disappointment she reserves for someone who misuses office supplies. She is the embodiment of bureaucratic power.
* **THE GRINDMASTER 9000 (Ageless)**: An extra-dimensional entity of immense power, trapped in the humiliating vessel of a commercial coffee machine. It is arrogant, demanding, and accustomed to cosmic authority, making it completely unprepared for the mundane, procedural nightmare of corporate HR.
## Scene Beats
* **Opening**: The office breakroom. The GrindMaster 9000 hums ominously. Jorge and a terrified Hygenia try to understand its demands for "the parchment of broken promises."
* **The Threat**: The machine extends a tamping arm, identifies Hygenia as "The Numerator of Debts," and displays cryptic, tooth-aching symbols. Its voice is a synthesized nightmare.
* **The Failed Negotiation**: Jorge steps up, attempting to de-escalate with corporate jargon. The machine scoffs at his "rounded decimals" and demands "The Keeper of Rules."
* **The Arbiter Arrives**: Morag from HR enters, tablet in hand, exuding an aura of profound disappointment. She is completely unfazed by the scene.
* **The Inquiry**: Morag calmly interrogates the entity, confirming its cosmic origins and its demands for the company server. She raises practical concerns like GDPR compliance.
* **The Weaponization of Bureaucracy**: Morag informs the GrindMaster that it must file grievance form HR-22A in triplicate and await a response within five to seven working days.
* **The Defeat**: The cosmic entity is stunned into silence. The threat is neutralized not by magic or force, but by the sheer, soul-crushing weight of administrative procedure.
* **Closing**: Morag leaves to deal with a lesser infraction (stapler misuse). The once-mighty GrindMaster is left displaying a single, blinking cursor, defeated by paperwork.
## Visual Style & Tone
The visual style is grounded in the sterile, fluorescent-lit reality of a modern office breakroom—all beige, grey, and worn linoleum. This mundane environment contrasts sharply with the GrindMaster's cosmic displays: swirling nebulae projected on the ceiling, glitching alien symbols on its LCD screen, and an unnatural, divine glow. The comedy and horror are derived from placing the epic and terrifying within the utterly banal.
The tone is a dry, satirical workplace comedy fused with Lovecraftian horror. Events are treated with a deadpan gravity, framing the supernatural crisis as just another inconvenient workplace incident. The style aligns with the corporate satire of **Severance** and **Office Space**, blended with the high-concept, tech-driven absurdity of **Black Mirror** and the philosophical comedy of **The Good Place**. The horror is real, but the response is hilariously, tragically bureaucratic.
**Format:** Short Film / Anthology Episode | **Est. Length:** 10-12 minutes
## Logline
A by-the-book HR manager must de-escalate a workplace incident when the office coffee machine reveals itself to be a disgruntled cosmic deity demanding a data sacrifice, armed only with the soul-crushing power of corporate bureaucracy.
## Themes
* **The Absurdity of Bureaucracy**: The mundane power of paperwork and procedure can neutralize even cosmic, existential threats.
* **The Mundane vs. The Magnificent**: The collision of soul-altering cosmic horror with the dreary, everyday reality of office life.
* **Order vs. Chaos**: The story pits the rigid, often nonsensical order of corporate policy against the terrifying, incomprehensible chaos of a trapped god.
* **Unseen Power Structures**: The real authority in the office isn't the analyst or the accountant, but the unassuming HR manager who wields the true weapon: the rulebook.
## Stakes
The team must prevent an ancient, reality-warping entity from consuming the company's entire digital infrastructure and potentially reformatting their souls into pivot tables.
## Synopsis
In a sterile office breakroom, the GrindMaster 9000 coffee machine begins to exhibit terrifying, supernatural behavior. JORGE, a pragmatic analyst, and HYGENIA, a panicked accountant, discover it is channeling an ancient entity. The machine speaks in a synthesized voice, calling expense reports "the parchment of broken promises" and demanding tribute.
The situation escalates when the machine's tamping arm identifies Hygenia as "The Numerator of Debts" and threatens her for her "affront to the celestial abacus." Jorge’s attempt to de-escalate the situation with corporate jargon ("synergy meeting," "key actionables") fails spectacularly. The entity dismisses his words as meaningless and demands to speak with "The Keeper of Rules."
On cue, MORAG, the Senior HR Partner, enters. Entirely unfazed by the reality-warping appliance and its cosmic pronouncements, she calmly assesses the situation. After learning the entity is an extra-dimensional being demanding the entire company server as a "sacrifice of data," Morag’s primary concern is the potential for a GDPR violation.
Confronting the chrome deity, Morag wields her ultimate weapon: corporate policy. She informs the all-powerful being that, per the employee handbook, it must file an official grievance form (HR-22A) in triplicate and wait five to seven working days for a response. The cosmic entity is stunned into silence, its immense power short-circuited by the existential horror of administrative procedure. As Morag departs to handle a minor disciplinary hearing about a stapler, the once-terrifying machine is left displaying a single, defeated, blinking cursor.
## Character Breakdown
* **JORGE (30s)**: An analyst who believes any problem can be solved with logic and corporate-speak. He projects an air of calm control but is internally terrified. He's the audience's entry point into the madness.
* **Psychological Arc**: Jorge begins the story believing his rational, "synergy-focused" approach is the correct way to handle any crisis. He ends the story humbled, realizing that true power lies not in placating chaos, but in overwhelming it with a more soul-crushing, incomprehensible system: bureaucracy, as personified by Morag. His worldview is fundamentally and comically altered.
* **HYGENIA (40s)**: A meticulous accountant, completely out of her depth. She is the voice of pure, unadulterated panic, clutching spreadsheets like holy relics and seeing the immediate, terrifying implications of the machine's demands.
* **MORAG (50s)**: The Senior HR Partner. Unflappable, pragmatic, and utterly unimpressed by cosmic horrors. She has seen every possible permutation of workplace absurdity and treats a reality-warping deity with the same bored disappointment she reserves for someone who misuses office supplies. She is the embodiment of bureaucratic power.
* **THE GRINDMASTER 9000 (Ageless)**: An extra-dimensional entity of immense power, trapped in the humiliating vessel of a commercial coffee machine. It is arrogant, demanding, and accustomed to cosmic authority, making it completely unprepared for the mundane, procedural nightmare of corporate HR.
## Scene Beats
* **Opening**: The office breakroom. The GrindMaster 9000 hums ominously. Jorge and a terrified Hygenia try to understand its demands for "the parchment of broken promises."
* **The Threat**: The machine extends a tamping arm, identifies Hygenia as "The Numerator of Debts," and displays cryptic, tooth-aching symbols. Its voice is a synthesized nightmare.
* **The Failed Negotiation**: Jorge steps up, attempting to de-escalate with corporate jargon. The machine scoffs at his "rounded decimals" and demands "The Keeper of Rules."
* **The Arbiter Arrives**: Morag from HR enters, tablet in hand, exuding an aura of profound disappointment. She is completely unfazed by the scene.
* **The Inquiry**: Morag calmly interrogates the entity, confirming its cosmic origins and its demands for the company server. She raises practical concerns like GDPR compliance.
* **The Weaponization of Bureaucracy**: Morag informs the GrindMaster that it must file grievance form HR-22A in triplicate and await a response within five to seven working days.
* **The Defeat**: The cosmic entity is stunned into silence. The threat is neutralized not by magic or force, but by the sheer, soul-crushing weight of administrative procedure.
* **Closing**: Morag leaves to deal with a lesser infraction (stapler misuse). The once-mighty GrindMaster is left displaying a single, blinking cursor, defeated by paperwork.
## Visual Style & Tone
The visual style is grounded in the sterile, fluorescent-lit reality of a modern office breakroom—all beige, grey, and worn linoleum. This mundane environment contrasts sharply with the GrindMaster's cosmic displays: swirling nebulae projected on the ceiling, glitching alien symbols on its LCD screen, and an unnatural, divine glow. The comedy and horror are derived from placing the epic and terrifying within the utterly banal.
The tone is a dry, satirical workplace comedy fused with Lovecraftian horror. Events are treated with a deadpan gravity, framing the supernatural crisis as just another inconvenient workplace incident. The style aligns with the corporate satire of **Severance** and **Office Space**, blended with the high-concept, tech-driven absurdity of **Black Mirror** and the philosophical comedy of **The Good Place**. The horror is real, but the response is hilariously, tragically bureaucratic.