The Squirrel's Ascent
A junior reporter navigates the scorching absurdity of Maple Creek, where a colossal, golden squirrel statue has sparked a ludicrous local conflict, exposing the farcical underbelly of small-town politics and media hysteria.
INT. SYLVIE'S CIVIC - DAY
SOUND of a struggling car A/C unit, the incessant, high-pitched DRONE of cicadas
The air inside the car is thick, shimmering with heat.
SYLVIE DELOISE (20s), sharp and ambitious, wilts in the driver's seat. Her professional blouse sticks to her back like a second skin. She drums her fingers on the steering wheel, the plastic hot and tacky.
Her gaze drifts from the quaint, cliché street sign—MAPLE CREEK—to her phone, displaying an email. SUBJECT: The Great Squirrel Debacle.
She lets out a sigh, a mix of heat and pure indignation. Her stomach churns.
EXT. MAPLE CREEK TOWN SQUARE - DAY
A patch of struggling green surrounded by brick buildings that have seen better decades. The heat radiates off the asphalt in waves.
Sylvie gets out of her car, slinging a camera bag over her shoulder. The weight feels like a yoke.
And there it is.
Towering over a small, restless CROWD is a ten-foot-tall statue of a SQUIRREL. It is sculpted with alarming anatomical detail and painted a gold so garish it seems to suck the light from the oppressive sky. Its oversized, vacant eyes stare out, holding a disproportionately large, gilded acorn.
A few LOCAL REPORTERS with faded press passes swarm a makeshift podium. A TODDLER (3) tries to climb the statue's base, smearing something sticky on the gold paint.
A tinny, amplified voice booms from a portable speaker.
MAYOR BARTHOLOMEW CRUMP (50s), a man built like a slightly deflated rugby ball, stands at the podium. Sweat patches darken his pristine summer suit. His face, a florid red, is stretched into a grin that doesn't reach his eyes.
MAYOR CRUMP
...a beacon of prosperity, a symbol of our unwavering commitment to community beautification and, dare I say, local wildlife appreciation!
Sylvie pushes through the crowd, notebook and pen ready.
SYLVIE
Mayor Crump, can you clarify the exact cost of the 'Golden Nut' project, as it's been dubbed by some residents? There are reports suggesting it significantly overran its initial budget.
Crump’s grin falters. He dabs his brow with a silk handkerchief.
MAYOR CRUMP
Ah, yes, the 'Golden Nut'—a charming appellation. As for expenditures, Ms... Deloise, was it? These things are dynamic, you understand. Artistic endeavours often require... unforeseen investments. But rest assured, every penny was invested in the *shining* future of Maple Creek!
A woman on the edge of the crowd scoffs loudly. This is BETTY FOSTER (60s), thin and wiry, with a shock of electric-blue hair.
BETTY FOSTER
Unforeseen investments? Try 'backroom deals' and 'cronies' pockets!'
MAYOR CRUMP
(Blustering)
Mrs. Foster! Please, we are attempting a civil discourse here!
He shoots a pained smile at the local TV camera. Sylvie turns to Betty.
SYLVIE
Mrs. Foster, you’ve been a vocal critic. What are your primary concerns?
BETTY FOSTER
(Jabbing a finger at the statue)
Concerns? That monstrosity cost us a new playground! Our youth centre is leaking like a sieve, but we have a *golden squirrel*! It’s an insult to our heritage, a blot on our landscape, and a monument to mayoral hubris!
SYLVIE
And what about the economic benefits? The Mayor mentioned tourism—
BETTY FOSTER
Tourism? Who’s coming to see a glorified garden gnome? We’ve got the Maple Creek Covered Bridge, the oldest in the province! That’s heritage! Not some... gilded garden pest!
A sudden YELP.
The toddler has slipped from the statue's base. His MOTHER rushes forward, scooping him up. In her haste, she knocks over a wobbly card table.
CLOSE ON a dozen prize-winning MAPLE TARTS tumbling in slow motion. They hit the dusty ground with a wet, sticky SPLAT.
The BAKER, a portly man with flour on his apron, throws his hands up.
BAKER
My tarts! My prize-winning maple tarts!
A collective GASP ripples through the crowd. The spell is broken. Whispers turn to shouts.
MAN #1
It's a public safety hazard!
WOMAN #1
(Gesturing at the tarts)
Look at that wasteful spending!
Mayor Crump sweats profusely, his smile completely gone.
MAYOR CRUMP
(Into the mic)
Unforeseen... difficulties...
The other reporters, sensing blood, descend.
LOCAL REPORTER #1
Mayor, are you concerned about public unrest?
LOCAL REPORTER #2
What about the safety regulations for the statue?
Sylvie steps back, watching the chaos unfold. The pastry-based riot. The absurdity. A slow, strange smile of understanding creeps onto her face.
This isn't a puff piece. This is a perfect, contained microcosm of societal madness.
She catches the eye of a VETERAN REPORTER from the Maple Creek Gazette. He gives a slow, tired shake of his head, a faint smile on his lips. A shared, silent acknowledgement of the beautiful, terrible farce.
Sylvie's phone VIBRATES. An incoming call: EDITOR. She ignores it.
The story isn't the squirrel. The story is the reaction *to* the squirrel.
EXT. MAPLE CREEK TOWN SQUARE - LATER
The golden hour. The sun dips low, casting a long, distorted shadow of the squirrel across the now-empty square.
SOUND of distant traffic, the ever-present cicadas
Scattered flyers and sticky patches from the fallen tarts litter the ground.
Sylvie stands alone, looking up at the statue. The gold reflects the orange hues of sunset, making it seem otherworldly. It’s a mirror, reflecting the town's petty imperfections, magnified and gilded.
She sees her own faint, shimmering reflection in the squirrel's belly. She looks tired. But there's a glint in her eye. Recognition.
The last rays of sun catch a shimmer on one of the squirrel’s giant, empty eyes, like a tear of molten gold.
Sylvie closes her notebook. She lifts her camera, the weight now feeling purposeful.
The streetlights flicker on.
She lets out a long, slow sigh, heavy with the day's absurdity, and walks towards her car. The air still smells of hot pavement and lingering, sweet-sickly maple.
A single flyer flutters in a faint breeze, catching the amber light. It reads: "SAVE OUR SOUL, SCRAP THE SQUIRREL!"
SOUND of a struggling car A/C unit, the incessant, high-pitched DRONE of cicadas
The air inside the car is thick, shimmering with heat.
SYLVIE DELOISE (20s), sharp and ambitious, wilts in the driver's seat. Her professional blouse sticks to her back like a second skin. She drums her fingers on the steering wheel, the plastic hot and tacky.
Her gaze drifts from the quaint, cliché street sign—MAPLE CREEK—to her phone, displaying an email. SUBJECT: The Great Squirrel Debacle.
She lets out a sigh, a mix of heat and pure indignation. Her stomach churns.
EXT. MAPLE CREEK TOWN SQUARE - DAY
A patch of struggling green surrounded by brick buildings that have seen better decades. The heat radiates off the asphalt in waves.
Sylvie gets out of her car, slinging a camera bag over her shoulder. The weight feels like a yoke.
And there it is.
Towering over a small, restless CROWD is a ten-foot-tall statue of a SQUIRREL. It is sculpted with alarming anatomical detail and painted a gold so garish it seems to suck the light from the oppressive sky. Its oversized, vacant eyes stare out, holding a disproportionately large, gilded acorn.
A few LOCAL REPORTERS with faded press passes swarm a makeshift podium. A TODDLER (3) tries to climb the statue's base, smearing something sticky on the gold paint.
A tinny, amplified voice booms from a portable speaker.
MAYOR BARTHOLOMEW CRUMP (50s), a man built like a slightly deflated rugby ball, stands at the podium. Sweat patches darken his pristine summer suit. His face, a florid red, is stretched into a grin that doesn't reach his eyes.
MAYOR CRUMP
...a beacon of prosperity, a symbol of our unwavering commitment to community beautification and, dare I say, local wildlife appreciation!
Sylvie pushes through the crowd, notebook and pen ready.
SYLVIE
Mayor Crump, can you clarify the exact cost of the 'Golden Nut' project, as it's been dubbed by some residents? There are reports suggesting it significantly overran its initial budget.
Crump’s grin falters. He dabs his brow with a silk handkerchief.
MAYOR CRUMP
Ah, yes, the 'Golden Nut'—a charming appellation. As for expenditures, Ms... Deloise, was it? These things are dynamic, you understand. Artistic endeavours often require... unforeseen investments. But rest assured, every penny was invested in the *shining* future of Maple Creek!
A woman on the edge of the crowd scoffs loudly. This is BETTY FOSTER (60s), thin and wiry, with a shock of electric-blue hair.
BETTY FOSTER
Unforeseen investments? Try 'backroom deals' and 'cronies' pockets!'
MAYOR CRUMP
(Blustering)
Mrs. Foster! Please, we are attempting a civil discourse here!
He shoots a pained smile at the local TV camera. Sylvie turns to Betty.
SYLVIE
Mrs. Foster, you’ve been a vocal critic. What are your primary concerns?
BETTY FOSTER
(Jabbing a finger at the statue)
Concerns? That monstrosity cost us a new playground! Our youth centre is leaking like a sieve, but we have a *golden squirrel*! It’s an insult to our heritage, a blot on our landscape, and a monument to mayoral hubris!
SYLVIE
And what about the economic benefits? The Mayor mentioned tourism—
BETTY FOSTER
Tourism? Who’s coming to see a glorified garden gnome? We’ve got the Maple Creek Covered Bridge, the oldest in the province! That’s heritage! Not some... gilded garden pest!
A sudden YELP.
The toddler has slipped from the statue's base. His MOTHER rushes forward, scooping him up. In her haste, she knocks over a wobbly card table.
CLOSE ON a dozen prize-winning MAPLE TARTS tumbling in slow motion. They hit the dusty ground with a wet, sticky SPLAT.
The BAKER, a portly man with flour on his apron, throws his hands up.
BAKER
My tarts! My prize-winning maple tarts!
A collective GASP ripples through the crowd. The spell is broken. Whispers turn to shouts.
MAN #1
It's a public safety hazard!
WOMAN #1
(Gesturing at the tarts)
Look at that wasteful spending!
Mayor Crump sweats profusely, his smile completely gone.
MAYOR CRUMP
(Into the mic)
Unforeseen... difficulties...
The other reporters, sensing blood, descend.
LOCAL REPORTER #1
Mayor, are you concerned about public unrest?
LOCAL REPORTER #2
What about the safety regulations for the statue?
Sylvie steps back, watching the chaos unfold. The pastry-based riot. The absurdity. A slow, strange smile of understanding creeps onto her face.
This isn't a puff piece. This is a perfect, contained microcosm of societal madness.
She catches the eye of a VETERAN REPORTER from the Maple Creek Gazette. He gives a slow, tired shake of his head, a faint smile on his lips. A shared, silent acknowledgement of the beautiful, terrible farce.
Sylvie's phone VIBRATES. An incoming call: EDITOR. She ignores it.
The story isn't the squirrel. The story is the reaction *to* the squirrel.
EXT. MAPLE CREEK TOWN SQUARE - LATER
The golden hour. The sun dips low, casting a long, distorted shadow of the squirrel across the now-empty square.
SOUND of distant traffic, the ever-present cicadas
Scattered flyers and sticky patches from the fallen tarts litter the ground.
Sylvie stands alone, looking up at the statue. The gold reflects the orange hues of sunset, making it seem otherworldly. It’s a mirror, reflecting the town's petty imperfections, magnified and gilded.
She sees her own faint, shimmering reflection in the squirrel's belly. She looks tired. But there's a glint in her eye. Recognition.
The last rays of sun catch a shimmer on one of the squirrel’s giant, empty eyes, like a tear of molten gold.
Sylvie closes her notebook. She lifts her camera, the weight now feeling purposeful.
The streetlights flicker on.
She lets out a long, slow sigh, heavy with the day's absurdity, and walks towards her car. The air still smells of hot pavement and lingering, sweet-sickly maple.
A single flyer flutters in a faint breeze, catching the amber light. It reads: "SAVE OUR SOUL, SCRAP THE SQUIRREL!"